Tarrant & Andrews Family Diary

Service for the Burial of Ashes of Cindy Tarrant

Held at York Cemetery on
Tuesday 27th September 2005

A Intro :- We are met as a family to say our final farewell to Cindy Tarrant and to commit her ashes to be buried.

“Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.”

B A short period of silence to remember Cindy

C Readings, recollections, memories – by the family

1 Corinthians 15. 51-57 – Read by Mandy

Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; nor does corruption inherit incorruption. Behold, I tell you a mystery: we shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed – in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.”
“O Death, where is your sting?
O Hades, where is your victory?”

The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

“Remember Me” by Christina Rossetti – Read by Jayne

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann’d:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

From “Having a Good Time. Thoughts about my family and other things.” One of Cindy’s diaries – Read by Edward

Certainly if there is life after death I am going to be a runner and I will run every day because I can.

D Committal Since the earthly life of Cindy Tarrant has come to an end we commit her ashes to be buried, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, trusting in the infinite mercy of God. May she rest in peace.

Soil into grave

E Short period of silence

F Prayer
God of Love
who brought us to birth
and in whose arms we die:
in our grief and loss
give us hope
and embrace us with your love;
through Jesus Christ. Amen

Father of all, we pray to you for those we love, but see no longer. Grant them peace, let light perpetual shine upon them, and in your loving wisdom work in them the good purpose of your perfect will. Amen.

G Closing words

Help us in the face of the mystery of death to turn towards the future that Cindy’s
energy for other people
inspiration as a teacher
joy for life
and love for her friends and family
may live on in our lives

and at the end may we face death with the same courage that she showed.

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“May the souls of the faithful, by the mercy of God, rest in peace.”

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Announcements in Papers

Today’s Guardian has an announcement of Cindy’s death and funeral. Here’s the page:

and the bottom right hand corner has this:

The same text is in tonight’s York Evening Press.

Photos of Mandy’s Birthday

I’ve put up some photos from Mandy’s birthday weekend here in York. There are several of Cindy.

There are also more photos added to the Photos of Cindy gallery.

I’ve had a busy day doing forms for probate, inheritance tax and Cindy’s pension. I also had to go to the supermarket and I met John Rack for coffee this afternoon.

The children are tired, particularly Rose, after her weekend away.

I’m tired too.

One Week On

It has been a week since Cindy was last in the house. It seems so recent, but things are so different.

Our lives continue though. I got new glasses in the week, I chose them with Cindy about a week and a half ago, but she’ll never see me wearing them. Rose has gone away for the weekend with Yorkshire General Meeting 8-10 year olds to Barmoor.

Toby went off with Keith this afternoon to watch Huddersfield play. John and I went over to Will and Sarah’s, they cooked on the barbeque for us.

New Photos of Cindy

Here’s the first photo of Cindy that anyone has sent – from Simon Palmour.

More please, if you have any.

Cindy Tarrant. 9th October 1961 – 11 September 2005

We are very sorry to have to tell you of the death of

Cindy Tarrant.

Cindy died calmly and peacefully on Sunday 11^th September 2005 in York District Hospital.

The funeral is to be held on Sunday 25th September 2005 at 3pm in Friargate Friends Meeting House, Friargate, York YO1 9RL.

All are welcome.

Edward Andrews
Toby John & Rose

We are preparing a Book of Memories of Cindy’s life.
If you have any favourite photos, or thoughts about Cindy you would like to write down for us, you can post them to me, add them as comments to this website or bring them to the funeral.

No flowers. donations to Oxfam.

Friday to Friday

Written on Saturday 10th.

On Friday we had planned to go to the hospital for Cindy to have a chest x-ray as a baseline for her new treatment (Tarceva).

However, in the morning, when she took her first tablet, which was one of the tarceva tablets, it got stuck in her throat, and she tried to have a coughing fit to dislodge it. This exhausted her and caused her even more breathing problems than usual. The oxygen we had at home didn’t seem to be enough to help her, so I ended up ringing 999. A paramedic arrived very quickly, shortly followed by an ambulance, who took Cindy and me to the hospital.

This was all happening just at the normal getting ready for school time, so all three children were upset and frightened. Rose had made her own packup, but John and Toby went to school without a lunch. Rose went over to Jo’s who put her hair in a bobble for her, John and Toby went straight off to school. J + R were ok, I phoned Scarcroft who sorted out a lunch for John. Toby was ok during the morning, but at lunch time he came home to find still no-one there. He got upset and worried (understandably), phoned Lance and Mary and found Sam there, who came round and got him lunch and looked after him, so he didn’t go back to school that afternoon.

Cindy, meanwhile, was having heart traces that showed a heart rate of 140-160, which is slightly fast! She was put on large amounts of oxygen, given oramorph which as well as relieving pain helps with breathing problems and glycerine to try and help slow her heart rate. She also had physiotherapy to help her try to shift the tablet and and any fluid on her chest. At about 1 she was moved from A&E to the Medical Admissions Unit, first into a three bed room, and later into a room by herself.

We saw the Lung Cancer Specialist Nurse, the hospital McMillan nurse and several doctors and made it clear that we wanted Cindy to come home as soon as possible. I came home at about 2, buying breakfast and lunch on the way, saw Toby at home and then went to pick up John and Rose.

Dr Schofield got a lot of oxygen delivered for when Cindy is able to come home but we’re going to have an oxygen concentrator fitted next week.

We had fish and chips for tea, watched Shrek. I read Rose a huge chapter from The Ruby in the Smoke and then watched I dreadful outtakes programme.

A doctor phoned during the evening to say that Cindy was still on too high concentrations of oxygen to come home immediately, but that she was settling down, her heart rate was slowing and she should be able to come home soon.

This morning Rose danced, Toby went to squash, John and I tidied his room. We’re going to go and see Cindy this afternoon. Jean went this morning.

End of what was written on Saturday 10th.

We went to see Cindy on Saturday afternoon. She was incredibly short of breath, but was just about able to talk to us. We left her and came home at about 5pm. James Rand was popped in for the evening and night, so I was able to go back to the hospital for the evening, come back and say good night and go back to the hospital till about 2:30am. Cindy was extremely agitated during the night and seemed in a lot of pain. She was given more morphine, something else that was a sedative and was still on lots of oxygen. By the time I left her she was more settled.

On Sunday morning, I took John and Rose to Meeting, and then they went on to Oscar and Lily’s. Toby went to Luke’s. I came home and phoned family, then went into the hospital.

Cindy was very peaceful, lying quietly. I’m not sure if she was aware that I was there. The nurse said when she’d come in to work at about 7am, Cindy had been aware there was different staff, so she might have known that I had arrived. She was breathing very lightly. I held her hand, spoke to her and read to her. Gradually her breathing got shallower and shallower, until finally I called for a nurse and the doctor pronounced her dead at about 2:30pm.

I stayed with her for about an hour, then went to find the children. We all came back together to see Cindy and say goodbye.

Mandy and David arrived at about 6pm, and went over to the hospital. Pat & Maurice, who’d come up with Jayne didn’t arrive till about 10pm, and we didn’t see them till Monday morning.

On Monday, after we’d seen Jayne, Pat & Maurice; Toby, John, Rose and I went to Whitby with Mandy and David. I didn’t want the children to go into school, and I wanted to get out somewhere. Whitby was somewhere Cindy always enjoyed visiting, so I thought it would be nice.

I’ve never been to Whitby on a day like that – it was very hot and sunny, the sea was like a millpond. Normally, it’s grey, windy,with spray coming up off the sea. We had fish and chips and walked on the harbour wall. The children were happy and enjoyed themselves.

On Tuesday the children went back to school and I started on the practicalities. Using Cindy’s notes that she made with Rosemary at meeting, I’ve started to arrange the funeral. I’ve found a very nice spot in the old Victorian cemetery in York to bury Cindy’s ashes. There will be a funeral on Sunday 25 September for anyone who would like to come, and a private burial of the ashes later.

On the whole we are all doing alright. There are obviously times when the children or I feel awful, but generally we are getting on with things. We’ve had loads of cards. It’s wonderful to see how many people’s lives Cindy affected.

Practical Day

Kate Hodge our MacMillan nurse came round today, to chat about practical things. She’s sorted out some extra painkillers for Cindy. Cindy wanted to have some available, because she’s worried about things getting worse at the weekends when everyone who knows her is unavailable. Kate is also going to sort out a care plan for other weekend eventualities, so Cindy doesn’t end up in hospital unnecessarily.

We also wanted to talk to Kate about what benefits I should be claiming, now that I’ve finally finished being ill at Cawood. It seems it’s a good thing we spent all our savings on the kitchen! I’m going to claim for income support and carer’s allowance. Income support is based on Cindy’s income too, so we’ll see what we get!

This evening I went to a Year 6 parents’ evening for John’s class. We were filled in on plans for the year, what and when the tests are, and lots of info about Sex Education (growing up) and PSHCE – which sounds fun. John seems to have settled in really well and has decided he likes Mrs McClure following a chat about Malorie Blackman, whose books John is really enjoying at the moment.

Edward Goes Swimming

After years of looking enviously at people who can swim front crawl efficiently and smoothly, I’ve decided to learn myself. So I’ve enrolled in a “Swim for Fitness and Stroke Improvement” class. I’ve just got back from it! It’s from 9:20 till 10:00 – just a bit late really. I think I’m going to be starving in half an hour.

Not too bad – some very tiring crawl exercises; just legs, or arms or legs and one arm… I wasn’t too slow – I didn’t feel I was in the wrong class.

See how it goes for the rest of the term.

All Back to School

Toby started year 10 yesterday – looking very smart in his blue T-shirt (lower school wear white – he’s really a big boy now!) He has either music or Design Technology each day which he sees as light relief, so he’s pleased with his timetable.

John (year 6 – last year at Scarcroft) and Rose (year 5 – Ms Gornall) back today. All up and dressed nice and early. Rose and Anna making plans to walk to school by themselves, as Tom and John do already. So I may soon be redundent for the school run. They seem excited to be back at school. This afternoon they are being picked up by Claire and Beth Gillam and are going around to their house to make fabric roses. This was arranged yesterday when Claire and Beth popped round to say hello, show off several textiles projects they had done and show us pictures of Kit’s wedding.

Cindy came down the stairs on her bottom relatively early today, about 11am. We went down the road to do some food shopping and she’s now waiting for Ruth Corry to come and visit her.

Cindy Downstairs

Late in the afternoon, Cindy came downstairs. I pushed her in the wheelchair along the landing to the stairs and then gave her a piggy back downstairs. After she’d recovered, we went out for a walk along the river.

We were also all able to eat tea together and watch a documentary film about the sea (Deep Blue).

It really was great to have Cindy with us. She also says that it was a relief to be out of the bedroom. She’s getting a bit bored of the same four walls!

Saturday

Boring title I know – never mind.

In the morning: Toby went off to play squash for the first time at York RI. He’s stopping playing football, so decided to find a new sport and squash fits the bill well – local, indoor, so all year round, fast and energetic. He had a really good session and is going again on Tuesday.

John, Rose and I went down to Bishopthorpe Road for shopping and sweets. We bought back buns. I ate mine with Cindy while listening to BBC Radio 4 comedy – the “Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain” playing Smells like Teen Spirit. Very funny.

PM: J, R & I to university for Einstein Day, about Rockets. Set off stomp rockets and water rockets, and watched a solid fuel rocket go up about 100m. Displays about the planets and telescope (we brought home a make your own cardboard telescope) and two using liquid nitrogen to demonstrate super conductivity. Fun.
Toby put his remote control car back together – still not sure if it works though.

Evening: Rose and I went for a walk in the twilight/dark – across the Millennium Bridge, up the other side of the river to Skeldergate Bridge and then home along Bishopthorpe Road. Saw bats and had a good chat.

Dane’s Dyke

I went off today with the children to Dane’s Dyke to look for fossils. It’s supposed to be good for fossils in the chalk, but we didn’t find any.

We were going to go onto Hunmanby Gap, but just as we were packing the car to go, John unfortunately shut Rose’s finger in the boot of the car and gave it a huge knock. Luckily, it wasn’t broken, but it hurt like mad, so after running it under a tap in the toilets and an ice cream, we came straight home.

Cindy spent the day in bed, but Joolz came to see her this afternoon. She’s tired again – after the excitement of getting out of bed yesterday!