Tarrant & Andrews Family Diary

Cindy’s Gravestone

Well at last, Cindy’s gravestone has been put up in the cemetery. We all went this afternoon after Meeting, had a look at it and lit some candles Pat and Maurice had sent for Cindy’s anniversary and birthday.

The text says:

Cindy Michele Tarrant
9.10.1961 – 11.9.2005
run because you can

“Why the tiger?” I hear you ask. It was Rose’s idea, and it comes from something that Cindy used to joke about with the children. She often told them that at night, she unzipped her tail, turned into a tiger and ran around Rowntrees Park. So it really reminds us of her. And it goes well with the lower case writing at the bottom, which is an adaptation of the last sentence in her diary – “Certainly if there is life after death I am going to be a runner and I will run every day because I can.”

If you want to go and see her grave, it’s in York Cemetery (the Victorian one on Cemetery Road near the Barbican) and here’s a map to show you exactly where.

Cindy’s Birthday

It would have been Cindy’s birthday tomorrow so we went out for a meal with Lance and Mary to celebrate. A good way to spend her pension. We would have gone out on the day itself, but it’s the Millthorpe open evening – John needs to go as a model pupil and Rose and I are going to look around in preparation for next year.

Memories of Cindy

Cathy Holman and Chris Hughes wrote this wonderful piece about Cindy for the Meeting Book of Memories.

Cindy Tarrant

It was a real gift and a pleasure in our lives to have been a friend of Cindy Tarrant.

Cindy was born on the 9th of October 1961, the middle daughter of Pat and Maurice. Her sister, Jayne was 2 years older and Mandy 4 years younger. Cindy lived in a house by the sea, which her father had built and her love of the sea remained with her throughout her life. Cindy cycled 4 miles daily to her primary school and moved onto secondary in Chichester. She attended two sixth forms in order to study for the A levels she was most interested in. Cindy always enjoyed sewing and knitting and made many of her own clothes. Cindy went on to the University of Surrey, the first person in her family to go to University. She was determined to follow a career path which she knew was for her and all her life took a pride in furthering her knowledge and skills in Home Economics and teaching. During her finals Cindy managed to fit in making her sister’s wedding dress.

Following her degree and her teaching qualification Cindy worked at Sarah Bonnell School in Newham. Cindy loved the work and enjoyed being a member of a hard working team however her love for travelling won out and she began a round the world journey with a good friend, Karen Cseleda. She was always ready to meet new people, travel to new places and was optimistic and cheerful about the future. They travelled through India, Nepal, Tibet, China and Hong Kong arriving in Australia. She made connections with people and formed relationships which endured the years, despite years of little contact. Cindy worked in Australia in the catering industry before heading off to travel again. She met Edward on her travels and they wandered Asia together, meeting many people who were touched by her flair and energy but also by her friendship and care.

They returned to this country for a while and Cindy took up her teaching before heading off again with Edward to South East Asia and Australia. Whilst in Australia Edward applied and was accepted to study at York University and they planned to have children once Edward graduated. However the children did not wait that long to arrive and Toby was born in 1991. Cindy got a temporary job while pregnant and worked after the birth of Toby and after the births of John and Rose. Cindy worked long hours with travelling on top and she did a lot of the work around the house. She did this all with good humour and grace.

Meeting for Worship and Quakers became very important to Cindy, having attended at Westminster when she was working in Newham. When she and Edward moved to York they began attending at Acomb Meeting, which they found friendly and welcoming. They moved to worship at Friargate Meeting following the birth of Toby. Cindy and Edward were married in Friargate on 22nd August 1992. Cindy was a valued member of the Friargate community and had a clear sense of her own spiritual beliefs. She was loved by many. Her wonderful laugh, her dismissal of pomposity or verbosity and her readiness to contribute, enriched our communal life beyond measure. Cindy was never daunted by tasks, no matter their nature or size. Cindy just got on with things. Her cooking and baking were sublime and the residents at the Arc Light project for the homeless regularly thanked Quakers for and commented on her sticky toffee pudding. Cindy took on the jobs no one wanted, including running the Link group, organising rotas and spending many Sunday mornings in crèche or Fox group. She organised numerous meals at Barmoor, enlivened the knitting and book groups and gave us much to think about. She could make things so easily, be it a wedding dress or costumes for John’s dance company. Cindy was hospitable and was really good at connecting with people. She had many friends.

Cindy loved clothes and especially shoes; she adored good coffee and food, loved parties, enjoyed electronic gadgets and was such fun to be with. At the age of 36 and with children aged 6, 2 and 1, Cindy was diagnosed with lung cancer. She had a lung removed followed by radiotherapy and it looked for several years that the cancer had gone. Unfortunately it returned and Cindy faced her illness and the treatment with such an enormous amount of courage and bravery, it left us all staggering.

Cindy was a wonderful mother. She was immensely proud of all her three children, loved them dearly and was determined to continue treating them exactly as she always had, despite knowing that she would not live long. Her love for Edward was clear and as they both struggled at times through some of the horrors of Cindy’s illness we could see how important this was to get them through.

What more to be said – she was hopeless at receiving presents and I suppose compliments too. It is hard to accept that Cindy, our energetic, inspirational, fun-loving, giggly, loving, thoughtful, giving, caring friend has gone and is not coming back. She had so much to offer and in her too short life she was so generous with her time, her friendship and her many talents.

Cindy kept a diary called “Having A Good Time: thoughts about my family and other things.” The very last thing she wrote in it was

“How can I not think every day that time is limited, especially when I wheeze just climbing the stairs. Certainly if there is life after death I am going to be a runner and I will run every day because I can.”

We love her and miss her.

What Will Survive of Us is Love

Philip Larkin – An Arundel Tomb

Side by side, their faces blurred,
The earl and countess lie in stone,
Their proper habits vaguely shown
As jointed armour, stiffened pleat,
And that faint hint of the absurd -
The little dogs under their feet.

Such plainness of the pre-baroque
Hardly involves the eye, until
It meets his left-hand gauntlet, still
Clasped empty in the other; and
One sees, with a sharp tender shock,
His hand withdrawn, holding her hand.

They would not think to lie so long.
Such faithfulness in effigy
Was just a detail friends would see:
A sculptor’s sweet commissioned grace
Thrown off in helping to prolong
The Latin names around the base.

They would no guess how early in
Their supine stationary voyage
The air would change to soundless damage,
Turn the old tenantry away;
How soon succeeding eyes begin
To look, not read. Rigidly they

Persisted, linked, through lengths and breadths
Of time. Snow fell, undated. Light
Each summer thronged the grass. A bright
Litter of birdcalls strewed the same
Bone-littered ground. And up the paths
The endless altered people came,

Washing at their identity.
Now, helpless in the hollow of
An unarmorial age, a trough
Of smoke in slow suspended skeins
Above their scrap of history,
Only an attitude remains:

Time has transfigures them into
Untruth. The stone fidelity
They hardly meant has come to be
Their final blazon, and to prove
Our almost-instinct almost true:
What will survive of us is love.

Icing Bag Nozzles

I’ve been making meringues for John’s birthday this evening. Cindy always used the icing bag to squirt them out quickly, so I thought that I’d do the same. But I can’t find the nozzles anywhere. I can find the icing bag, but not the nozzles.

I think this just shows that it really isn’t my job.

The meringues look good though, just not as neat.

It’s very odd looking back ten years to the night before John was born. Toby must have been coming towards the end of his first term (part-time) at Scarcroft. Cindy was fantastically well, working hard in Norton, car sharing with Jean. I remember sitting in our kitchen with David while Cindy had contractions, enjoying a sausage sandwich. We were lucky to have so many good times together.

Donations to Oxfam

When I was at Meeting yesterday I picked up a letter that was waiting for me in the pigeon holes.

It was from Oxfam and said that £872.01 had been donated at Cindy’s funeral. I’ve also had a few other letters from their central office telling me that other people had donated money in memory of Cindy. So the grand total must be nearly £1000.

Cindy’s Grave

I went to the cemetery yesterday and took some photos of where Cindy’s ashes are buried.

Cindy’s ashes are buried in York Cemetery (map), here’s a map of exactly where:

Poem from the Holmans

This poem is one that the Holmans chose to read at Cindy’s funeral, but didn’t find a space to.

The Dead

The dead are always looking down on us, they say,
while we are putting on our shoes or making a sandwich,
they are looking down through glass-bottom boats of heaven
as they row themselves slowly through eternity.

They watch the tops of our heads moving below on earth,
and when we lie down in a field or on a couch,
drugged perhaps by the hum of a warm afternoon,
they think we are looking back at them,

which makes them lift their oars and fall silent
and wait, like parents for us to close our eyes.

Billy Collins

Cindy’s Birthday

Today would have been Cindy’s 44^th birthday.

To celebrate we are going out this evening to La Piazza for a meal.

John, Rose and I have spent the afternoon at Beningbrough Hall with David, Mimi and Jocelyn Campbell. Have climbed trees, run around, had scones and generally enjoyed ourselves. Toby has been working very hard on his graphics project and then went out with Tom Robinson.

Service for the Burial of Ashes of Cindy Tarrant

Held at York Cemetery on
Tuesday 27th September 2005

A Intro :- We are met as a family to say our final farewell to Cindy Tarrant and to commit her ashes to be buried.

“Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.”

B A short period of silence to remember Cindy

C Readings, recollections, memories – by the family

1 Corinthians 15. 51-57 – Read by Mandy

Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; nor does corruption inherit incorruption. Behold, I tell you a mystery: we shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed – in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.”
“O Death, where is your sting?
O Hades, where is your victory?”

The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

“Remember Me” by Christina Rossetti – Read by Jayne

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann’d:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

From “Having a Good Time. Thoughts about my family and other things.” One of Cindy’s diaries – Read by Edward

Certainly if there is life after death I am going to be a runner and I will run every day because I can.

D Committal Since the earthly life of Cindy Tarrant has come to an end we commit her ashes to be buried, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, trusting in the infinite mercy of God. May she rest in peace.

Soil into grave

E Short period of silence

F Prayer
God of Love
who brought us to birth
and in whose arms we die:
in our grief and loss
give us hope
and embrace us with your love;
through Jesus Christ. Amen

Father of all, we pray to you for those we love, but see no longer. Grant them peace, let light perpetual shine upon them, and in your loving wisdom work in them the good purpose of your perfect will. Amen.

G Closing words

Help us in the face of the mystery of death to turn towards the future that Cindy’s
energy for other people
inspiration as a teacher
joy for life
and love for her friends and family
may live on in our lives

and at the end may we face death with the same courage that she showed.

++++++

“May the souls of the faithful, by the mercy of God, rest in peace.”

+++++++

Announcements in Papers

Today’s Guardian has an announcement of Cindy’s death and funeral. Here’s the page:

and the bottom right hand corner has this:

The same text is in tonight’s York Evening Press.

New Photos of Cindy

Here’s the first photo of Cindy that anyone has sent – from Simon Palmour.

More please, if you have any.

Cindy Tarrant. 9th October 1961 – 11 September 2005

We are very sorry to have to tell you of the death of

Cindy Tarrant.

Cindy died calmly and peacefully on Sunday 11^th September 2005 in York District Hospital.

The funeral is to be held on Sunday 25th September 2005 at 3pm in Friargate Friends Meeting House, Friargate, York YO1 9RL.

All are welcome.

Edward Andrews
Toby John & Rose

We are preparing a Book of Memories of Cindy’s life.
If you have any favourite photos, or thoughts about Cindy you would like to write down for us, you can post them to me, add them as comments to this website or bring them to the funeral.

No flowers. donations to Oxfam.

Friday to Friday

Written on Saturday 10th.

On Friday we had planned to go to the hospital for Cindy to have a chest x-ray as a baseline for her new treatment (Tarceva).

However, in the morning, when she took her first tablet, which was one of the tarceva tablets, it got stuck in her throat, and she tried to have a coughing fit to dislodge it. This exhausted her and caused her even more breathing problems than usual. The oxygen we had at home didn’t seem to be enough to help her, so I ended up ringing 999. A paramedic arrived very quickly, shortly followed by an ambulance, who took Cindy and me to the hospital.

This was all happening just at the normal getting ready for school time, so all three children were upset and frightened. Rose had made her own packup, but John and Toby went to school without a lunch. Rose went over to Jo’s who put her hair in a bobble for her, John and Toby went straight off to school. J + R were ok, I phoned Scarcroft who sorted out a lunch for John. Toby was ok during the morning, but at lunch time he came home to find still no-one there. He got upset and worried (understandably), phoned Lance and Mary and found Sam there, who came round and got him lunch and looked after him, so he didn’t go back to school that afternoon.

Cindy, meanwhile, was having heart traces that showed a heart rate of 140-160, which is slightly fast! She was put on large amounts of oxygen, given oramorph which as well as relieving pain helps with breathing problems and glycerine to try and help slow her heart rate. She also had physiotherapy to help her try to shift the tablet and and any fluid on her chest. At about 1 she was moved from A&E to the Medical Admissions Unit, first into a three bed room, and later into a room by herself.

We saw the Lung Cancer Specialist Nurse, the hospital McMillan nurse and several doctors and made it clear that we wanted Cindy to come home as soon as possible. I came home at about 2, buying breakfast and lunch on the way, saw Toby at home and then went to pick up John and Rose.

Dr Schofield got a lot of oxygen delivered for when Cindy is able to come home but we’re going to have an oxygen concentrator fitted next week.

We had fish and chips for tea, watched Shrek. I read Rose a huge chapter from The Ruby in the Smoke and then watched I dreadful outtakes programme.

A doctor phoned during the evening to say that Cindy was still on too high concentrations of oxygen to come home immediately, but that she was settling down, her heart rate was slowing and she should be able to come home soon.

This morning Rose danced, Toby went to squash, John and I tidied his room. We’re going to go and see Cindy this afternoon. Jean went this morning.

End of what was written on Saturday 10th.

We went to see Cindy on Saturday afternoon. She was incredibly short of breath, but was just about able to talk to us. We left her and came home at about 5pm. James Rand was popped in for the evening and night, so I was able to go back to the hospital for the evening, come back and say good night and go back to the hospital till about 2:30am. Cindy was extremely agitated during the night and seemed in a lot of pain. She was given more morphine, something else that was a sedative and was still on lots of oxygen. By the time I left her she was more settled.

On Sunday morning, I took John and Rose to Meeting, and then they went on to Oscar and Lily’s. Toby went to Luke’s. I came home and phoned family, then went into the hospital.

Cindy was very peaceful, lying quietly. I’m not sure if she was aware that I was there. The nurse said when she’d come in to work at about 7am, Cindy had been aware there was different staff, so she might have known that I had arrived. She was breathing very lightly. I held her hand, spoke to her and read to her. Gradually her breathing got shallower and shallower, until finally I called for a nurse and the doctor pronounced her dead at about 2:30pm.

I stayed with her for about an hour, then went to find the children. We all came back together to see Cindy and say goodbye.

Mandy and David arrived at about 6pm, and went over to the hospital. Pat & Maurice, who’d come up with Jayne didn’t arrive till about 10pm, and we didn’t see them till Monday morning.

On Monday, after we’d seen Jayne, Pat & Maurice; Toby, John, Rose and I went to Whitby with Mandy and David. I didn’t want the children to go into school, and I wanted to get out somewhere. Whitby was somewhere Cindy always enjoyed visiting, so I thought it would be nice.

I’ve never been to Whitby on a day like that – it was very hot and sunny, the sea was like a millpond. Normally, it’s grey, windy,with spray coming up off the sea. We had fish and chips and walked on the harbour wall. The children were happy and enjoyed themselves.

On Tuesday the children went back to school and I started on the practicalities. Using Cindy’s notes that she made with Rosemary at meeting, I’ve started to arrange the funeral. I’ve found a very nice spot in the old Victorian cemetery in York to bury Cindy’s ashes. There will be a funeral on Sunday 25 September for anyone who would like to come, and a private burial of the ashes later.

On the whole we are all doing alright. There are obviously times when the children or I feel awful, but generally we are getting on with things. We’ve had loads of cards. It’s wonderful to see how many people’s lives Cindy affected.

All Back to School

Toby started year 10 yesterday – looking very smart in his blue T-shirt (lower school wear white – he’s really a big boy now!) He has either music or Design Technology each day which he sees as light relief, so he’s pleased with his timetable.

John (year 6 – last year at Scarcroft) and Rose (year 5 – Ms Gornall) back today. All up and dressed nice and early. Rose and Anna making plans to walk to school by themselves, as Tom and John do already. So I may soon be redundent for the school run. They seem excited to be back at school. This afternoon they are being picked up by Claire and Beth Gillam and are going around to their house to make fabric roses. This was arranged yesterday when Claire and Beth popped round to say hello, show off several textiles projects they had done and show us pictures of Kit’s wedding.

Cindy came down the stairs on her bottom relatively early today, about 11am. We went down the road to do some food shopping and she’s now waiting for Ruth Corry to come and visit her.

Cindy Downstairs

Late in the afternoon, Cindy came downstairs. I pushed her in the wheelchair along the landing to the stairs and then gave her a piggy back downstairs. After she’d recovered, we went out for a walk along the river.

We were also all able to eat tea together and watch a documentary film about the sea (Deep Blue).

It really was great to have Cindy with us. She also says that it was a relief to be out of the bedroom. She’s getting a bit bored of the same four walls!

Much Better Day

After a really bad couple of days, today was much better.

Cindy managed to get up after lunch, then I pushed her in her wheelchair into town. We went to Capaldi’s for coffe, where – lo and behold – we bumped into the children who had gone out with Lance and Mary.

Cindy stayed up for tea and is now watching Daziel and Pascoe. Lovely to have her downstairs!

Mick and Susheila

Mick, Cindy’s colleague from Abbey Grange came round to see Cindy this afternoon, with his wife Susheila. Cindy was still in bed unfortunately. She hasn’t got out of bed at all today, has been feeling very tired, breathless and achy.

Cindy Gets a Haircut

Just taken Cindy up to Brian’s for a haircut. Her hair has gradually grown, till now it looked a bit mad and wild. Much better now, short still, but it looks deliberate!

She didn’t get up today till 6ish – feeling very tired and breathless.

The rest of us walked round the city walls with Phil and Marcia and then went for pizzas at La Piazza. P+M left at about 3. Last visitors for a while – we should have a chance to settle down and sort our selves out a bit before school starts next week. Lovely to see everyone, but a bit busy.

How is Cindy?

Good question, but the answer isn’t so good.

She’s gradually getting more exhausted and finding walking around more and more difficult. She uses oxygen for getting up stairs and often at other times too. It takes her a long time to get going in the morning, but she’s around for lunch, afternoon and the evening. She needs to use the wheelchair for longer trips out of the house. She’s had nausea on and off for the last few weeks, which seems to under control at the moment.

She’s going to start on a new drug soon – Tarceva. This is a new, unlicensed drug that is only available on a “named patient” basis. Dr Bottomley says that there is probably no-one else in the world who has used this drug to treat the particular cancer that Cindy has, but it has been effective against some lung cancers, so it’s worth a go, paticularly as the side effects aren’t too bad.

Cindy, of course, is still being very positive about things and does as much as she can.

Cindy Not Ill – What a Relief

I was a bit worried about Cindy last night as she went to bed very early with a temperature. She woke up today feeling fine though and has been ok all day.

We spent most of the day chatting to John Rack who we haven’t seen for ages. Ellie and Mimi came round after school to sew with Rose – not much sewing was done, more playing in the sunshine.

Catch Up Time

I haven’t posted for a while so here’s what’s been going on.

Cindy – has had her tenth chemo treatment last week. This is the last planned for the moment. It went well and she hasn’t been too ill – just tired and with some back ache. Now she’s going to have a while off treatment – while the consultant thinks about what to do next! Not that many options left now apparently – something experimental possibly.

Edward – off sick again and has resigned. Not at all what I expected last June when I was so happy to get the job! But it wasn’t working out at all and was making me ill. I’ve got till the end of the summer term off sick to think about what to do next. I might try to do some supply in schools that know me and look for part-time work, or I might try something different. Not sure yet.

Children – all fine, busy, dance, gym, trampoline, D of E scheme, Meeting, friends round, …

Kitchen – looks super. Floor and hob remain to be done. New oven lovely – hob not delivered on time!!

Chemo Nine

Cindy was due to have another session of chemo this week, but as she’s still recovering from a cold, and frankly, because next week will be much more convenient, she phoned the hospital this morning and told them she would like to delay by a week. By then we’ll all be back at school/work and there will be less going on that she’ll have to do when she’s feeling knackered.

Also, this will mean that she won’t have a treatment in the week of Jane’s wedding, which will be nice.

Chemo 8

Another chemo session on Tuesday (yesterday). Cindy has been very busy today, including going to her Italian class, but has gone to bed exhausted already. Side effects still not too bad – her hands are getting red and sore and her nails are awful, but nothing major thank goodness.

We’re all getting used to the huge amount of space her at the Mount – will we ever be satisfied in our little house again! Of course we will, especially once we’ve got a lovely new kitchen.

Cindy let in the builders this morning and already the plaster is off the walls up to 1m from the floor, all the quarry tiles have been lifted and the concrete underneath is starting to go. Mayhem.

The Play What I Wrote

Cindy went to see The Play What I Wrote with Judy Emerick and came home saying it was absolutely hilarious.

So if you get a chance…

We’re off on Friday to see A Dolls House – I don’t expect it will be quite as funny!